There are two versions of myself.
1) Normal me
Normal me is still not normal. Normal me dances in my underwear more than normal other person does. Normal me still goes through fifty million stages of weirdness in a week. Ok.. maybe not fifty million… maybe only like 25 million, but you get it right?
Normal me sings and dances and eats right. Normal me tries to go to the gym. Normal me does normal human things. I put on make up and do my hair, and even have some sense of fashion (not the best but still I look cute…).
You get the picture.
If you don’t, here’s a picture of normal me:
Then there is stressed me. Stressed me stays up late every night. Stressed me hides from everything that normal me needs to do. This hiding usually involves me in the corner of my bottom bunk curled up in some awkward position talking in a really quiet voice while Captain Cool tries to convince me to come out and handle things.
Too bad Stressed me doesn’t listen to Captain Cool and just deal. Stressed me acts like a child and doesn’t do any work at all. When I do come out of my corner I usually just start doing something crafty or fun.
I guess my mind thinks along the lines of if I do come out of hiding and then do something crafty or fun then it will get my brain ready for homework. Too bad I’m extremely elaborate with everything that I do… so it usually takes hours. Then by the time I’m done with it I feel this sense of accomplishment and I act like I just won some battle.
Then I look over my shoulder and see my books…
Then I freak out even more and crawl back into my cave.
Stressed me eats candy for dinner because I’m too freaked out to cook or go get something. Stressed me gains weight. Stressed me says, “I’ll go to the gym tomorrow…” and by tomorrow I mean in about three weeks.
Stressed me doesn’t wear nice clothes because I don’t care anymore, and in an attempt to get more sleep I end up sleeping late and then waking up and putting on whatever I grab first.
Stressed me doesn’t have time and frankly doesn’t give a damn about doing my hair. It generally just turns into this gross monster of curls that lives on top of my head. I’m pretty convinced that all of my stress actually lives in this pseudo-afro. I say this because as soon as I’m not stressed my hair monster usually calms down and dies, and because long, straight, and pretty again.
Then again maybe it’s because I have time to deal with it.
Whatever, for all intents and purposes my stress lives in my hair monster.
Stressed me doesn’t clean. This stresses me out even more because then in my stressed mind I’m convinced that my roommate actually hates me for this and has no understanding of why I can’t clean right now. Even though Roomie is actually a very understanding and casual person.
Stressed me skips classes that stressed me needs to go to so that I can learn and prosper as a student. Stressed me figures that I’ll use this time to do productive things.
No, I use this time to play games or talk to people on facebook or…. you know… blog.
This is a picture of stressed me:
I like to think that Normal me and Stressed me can cohabitate and that they work hand in hand every day, ya know? When things stress me out Normal me can handle it, and when things are ultra normal stressed me is like “hey at least you’re not stressed!”
It’s brilliant on a normal day.
However, the days that stress takes over are horrendous because it’s not just one day, it’s usually a week. The evil college system convinces all of my teachers to give tests at the exact same time every time.
It’s a conspiracy theory, I’m sure.
Stressed me tries to deal with things, really I do. However, stressed me often comes up with plans like this:
This plan ends up stressing me out even more because then it is the night before a final exam that determines my grade and my admission into the college of business, and two papers due and I have nothing done!
Then my insides feel like this:
(That really is a horrible color, I’ve only ever seen it used for vomit)
Inside my brain everything is running around and tripping on things and the inside of my brain is like AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Which leads to me in a corner freaking out because in my head homework looks like this:
I eventually man up and just deal with the homework, and it returns to it’s normal state. However, it usually takes a lot longer than if normal me were just handling it immediately.
There doesn’t really seem to be a good end to this because this actually never ends for me… so….
I’ll end it by saying that when it IS time to battle the evil monster that is my homework, I toss on my purple sparkly cape, grab my magical sword, and defeat it like the evil monster slayer that I am!
Here’s a picture of that too:
